Can you hear them sleigh bells jingling, ring-ting-tingling too?

That’s right folks. It’s 11 weeks until Christmas! That is no time at all!

There are several things you should know about me.

One is that I know all the words to the Kiwiburger song and have since 1999.

But for the purposes of this blog post, another is that I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!!!??!?!?!1111111


I’ve always loved it. I love the music and movies. I love the shopping. I love the decorations. I love the food and I am a huge believer in Christmas spirit! It is a real thing people! I look forward to it all year long, in fact, I want to put up my fricken tree so fricken bad, you have no idea! Christmas is my crack!

But I can’t put up my tree because my husband will roll his eyes and grumble and groan and say, “Jo-Anne. It’s October. We are not putting up that tree now… rabble… rabble.”

My husband is a good man even though he hates Christmas and love and kittens and hope.


So I have decided that in order to sate my yule tide urgings, I will share with you some of my favorite things about Christmas.

5. Christmas Decorations

You know it’s Christmas when that big, beautiful tree is up and you’re hanging your collection of decorations. It’s like seeing them for the first time after having to keep them in boxes all year. You also get to hang your new ones for the first time! You know, the ones you bought in January when all the stores were having their 70% off Christmas items sale and you were the only one who was waiting for the doors to open!

4. Christmas Lunch

Man. Christmas lunch is the best. It is when the whole family gets together and EVERYONE is happy. No one is arguing, people are smiling and you even don’t mind that your sisters kids are destroying your home, because guess what’s headed for the table… TRIFLE! I love a good trifle. I know it’s not for everyone but if I have a trifle DO NOT put your fingers near my mouth because you will lose them. Actually, just in general, don’t put your fingers near my mouth. What’s wrong with you?


3. The Night Before Christmas

This book was probably the first book I remember being read to me. It immediately brings back memories of Christmas Eves long past where my sisters and I would put out the milk (beer) and the biscuits, hang up our stockings and get ready for Santa. Tradition man, that’s what it’s all about!


2. Christmas Music

Awwwww snap! You know what time it is when I start cranking Dolly and Kenny, yo! Nuff said.

1. Christmas Movies

Now, this is one thing I can start doing in October. Watching my beloved Christmas movies. I have them all and I watch them ALOT. They always get me in the Christmas spirit and for whatever lame reason, I just love them to bits. To ask me my favorite would be like asking which of the stars in the night sky shines brightest for me. They are all wonderful in their own way, in fact, a future blog post will probably be a Christmas movie countdown. But for today, let me go with what is currently in the dvd player. The Santa Clause.



Very valid point, Charlie. But in a related matter, wasn’t anyone at the North Pole upset that the previous Santa was dead? Weren’t any of them resentful that Tim Allen had inadvertently caused him to fall from the roof?


When Tim Allen and Charlie went to sleep in the North Pole that night, did they realize that dead Santa had been sleeping there just hours before? How was everyone so cool with this?!?!?!??!?! I mean, the last Santa must have been a real dick for NO ONE to give a rat’s ass about him.

It’s ok Jo, don’t overthink it, it’ll ruin the magic.

Anyways. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Cucumbers are people too

Since The Empyrean Key was released just over a month ago, I have noticed a recurring statement from friends and family.

“I didn’t know you wrote stuff!!!???!!!?!?!”

It is the horrible secret I have been keeping from those close to me. Yes. I’m a writer. A filthy, disgusting writer. I’m antisocial. I’m introverted. I’m boring and nerdy. But wait. I’m not any of those things (well, actually I am pretty nerdy) but these are all horrible stereotypes people!

When I go to the supermarket and I see a cucumber. I’m not like, “Oh man. I bet he’s crunchy and tastes great with a little salt and pepper.”


That is because I am not going to stereotype that cucumber. He could be mushy and taste like crap but that is HIS right as a cucumber. Who are we to judge him?

I love writing. I love writing for me. I love writing for readers. I love writing full stop. Getting into my character’s heads and putting them in interesting situations is amazing! And if along the way I can get readers to fall in love with these characters, well then gees, I’m a pretty happy camper.


Sure, when I get a big movie cheque and can quit my day job, I’ll probably tell people that, “Hey. Yeah. I’m an author. Whatevs.”

But until that day happens I’m just fine with being Jo, because Jo is pretty cool. At least that’s what my mum tells me when she puts me to bed at night, gently stroking my hair until I fall asleep. Thanks mum.

And speaking of writing, Veil of the Corrupter, the second book in the Ardentia series is almost ready for advanced readings for bloggers and beta readers. That’s another reason I don’t talk about my writing with friends and family that much. It’s really hard.


My main nemesis of course is the internet. I sit down, ready to write. I’ll get to a scene which I need to ponder for a minute or two, so in the mean time, I’ll watch some youtube videos for inspiration. Before you know it, I’ve been watching Saturday Night Live skits for two hours. I love Taran Killam. It takes an amazing amount of self-discipline to write and I can’t even say no to Milky Bars at the supermarket checkout.

But rest assured, it is on its way with a release planned for late January but more details on that to come! Suffice to say, I’m excited to eventually have the entire series out there. As long as I can stop watching this Bill Hader skit, it should be done in no time.

Hey Jo. How do you keep motivated? Well I’m glad you asked.

It’s Wednesday and Wednesday is the worst day. Even worse than Thursday, and he’s a real douchebag.

Thursday is the kind of day that turns straight into the carpark you’ve been waiting ten minutes for. You know, you were waiting for this lady to put the baby in the car seat, buckle in the screaming toddler who is hitting her in the face and telling her he hates her while the teenager is on their phone not helping at all. You’re smiling politely, tapping the steering wheel, wishing she’d hurry her ass up. At last she loads the pram into the boot and just before she drags herself into the driver’s seat, you see the suffering and hopelessness in her eyes. She seems to be silently pleading with you to help her – to end her misery. But ain’t nobody got time for that! Get out of my spot woman, I gots’ to get me a smoothie. Stat!

So she reverses and you’re happy. You deserve this spot. You’ve put in the work, smiling and sympathetic shoulder shrugs etc. Then he’s there. In his busted up honda civic and he’s zoomed in, put that hunk-a-junk in park and he’s walking away, probably to get a delicious smoothie …. probably the very one you would have gotten had he not pilfered your spot! You beep and yell, but he doesn’t care. He flips you the bird as he walks away in a chicago bulls jacket and acid wash jeans. Life’s pretty cheap to Thursday.

So if that’s what Thursday is like, you can imagine how bad Wednesday is. Anyways. Wednesday makes me sleepy and productivity is at an all time low. Que gif. tired-puppy.jpg

So, I would like to introduce you to my midweek motivations. These are the things that inspire me to write. Something edible, visual and audible. Observe this weeks musings. 170914 So let’s discuss.

I have already spoken of scorched almonds. Actually Nestle should probably pay me, because I’ve mentioned them in both my blog posts. Regardless, they are delicious. If heaven were an almond covered in chocolate, well, people would probably be a little disappointed that they lived their lives to find that an almond covered in chocolate was their ultimate reward. But I’d be ok with it. Two thumbs up.

Next, Aaron Taylor-Johnson. You may now him from Kick Ass or Anna Kareninananananananana. I know him from his starring roles in many of my dreams. Good work Aaron. Plus his wife is old, so he’d probably be into me if he meets me. Probably.

Lastly, Lorde. Some say she is too commercial now because of her success. That she is just another teen pop star. I agree on some levels, but you can’t deny the girl has talent. Glory and Gore is number 1 on the playlist right now.

So in summary. When I need to get writing, I take in large amounts of the above and 95% of the time, stuff gets done. For example, I’ve already edited four more chapters for the next book in the Ardentia series. Results! Buy Nestle.

The Legend of the First Blog Post

And so it happened, that on the 12th day of the 9th month, the not-so-young writer took a seat at her desk and delivered to the world her very first blog post. Was it good? Only time will tell. But more importantly, it gave her a platform to post funny gifs and memes and no one could do anything about it. No post removals. No forum bans. This world is hers and she is above the law!!!!?!!???!


So in the last two weeks, I have released my debut novel The Empyrean Key. This was a pretty huge deal for me. This story has been with me for a very long time and I desperately wanted to share it. You see, I like my fantasy like I like my fives. High. Get it?

Anyway. Movies and books like Lord of the Rings, Willow, Legend, Princess Bride. This is the fantasy I love. Amazing new worlds, characters you care about, adventure and fun in between moments of nail-biting drama. But most of all, they are fantastical! Contemporary is all well and good. I like contemporary, I even write some. But I love being transported more than anything.

Do I want to live in some of these worlds? Sure, if they had a decent internet connection and scorched almonds (mmmm, scorched almonds). But mostly I’m looking for a holiday from the humdrum of my life so I can come back afterwards and think to myself – “Ahhhh. That was great. Maybe I’ll go back there again, but right now I have to do the washing.”

That’s what the fantasy genre is – some where exciting and wondrous where exciting and wondrous people can have exciting and wondrous adventures – and you get to watch! And if you’re lucky, eat scorched almonds while doing so!

And so ends the Legend of the First Blog Post. We laughed. We cried…. well, I cried. I burnt my toe on the heater earlier. Regardless. Fun was had by all, and by all I mean some.

Anyway. Gif time.


Coming Soon . . .

Welcome to the blog of J.L Tomlinson, fantasy author and closet reality show fanatic.
Stay tuned for my first post. 9 out of 10 people I surveyed said it would be good. Who cares what that 1 other guy thinks.